Truth be told, I'm mostly excited. It's just that all of this interviewing, auditioning, waiting, wondering is nerve wracking. So much so, I've started reading the Alchemist for the second time in several months. You know, just read something that so perfectly captures "The Journey"- the quest for one's "Personal Legend". One of the parts that stands out to me is how Paulo Coehlo describes the space before realizing a dream as being a bit like the moment before dawn. That is, it's darkest right before the dawn (also, strangely, one of my favorite Bob Dylan lines). More specifically, right before realizing a dream, that one's resolve to reach that dream is most tested. I find this to be very true of my experience.
And it's that going to Grad school somehow will forever define me as a person, or that my self-worth is contingent on getting in to school, or that by choosing this path I'm saying: this is what I want to do with the rest of my life. But kind of. I mean, the reality is that this choice will drastically shape the course of my young life. I feel as though I'm writing the prologue for the book of my life. I've been gathering experiences, insight, developing my voice and sense of purpose for the previous 27 years, and now I'm preparing to create something coherent, clear, and contributive (is that even a word?). Speaking of creating something coherent, clear, and contributive (sounds good at least)...
...so I'm in Knoxville, Tennessee. After getting into the airport, there was a small contingent of interviewees waiting to be picked up by one of the current students to be driven to our various destinations. We did some small talking and then piled into this awesome, old Lincoln towncar. The thing's hood was actually not fully latched (we were informed of this "sticky" situation by our driver). So here we are cruising down the road with the hood "nodding" in tacit approval. Awesome. After 20 minutes or so of more small talk, we pull off onto this wooded drive way. It's pretty steep, long, and heavily forested by the barren varieties of deciduous indigenous species here. A bit eery and strangely beautiful. And then we come to the house. There's a fountain, a big round-a-bout style parking area, and this sort of viny, brick, three-story estate reminiscent of "Sunset Boulevard". Turns out the inside is no different.
I say thanks to my welcoming crew and chaueffer and greet my new hosts. John is a professor at the program- he's about six four, graying, and gracious. He introduces me to his wife, Lucy, who works from home as an Industrial Psychologist managing an online website-based assessment business. Lucy shows me the house. Marble countertops, vaulted ceilings, open deck, veranda, you name it- it's here. I'm shown to my room up the stairway and I truly feel like a prince. I'm followed by the 20 or so dogs that live here. Most of them more closely resembling rat pedigree than anything canine. But I love dogs. I really do. I actually found myself asking at the casual dinner this evening asking about the "dog friendliness" of Knoxville. Sounds like it is.
So after settling in here, I promptly layed down for a nap. I, as per my writing this at what is now almost 4 am, was exhausted from early morning, obsessive reading of my "how to master the interview manual", and my general level of anxiety (which I find keeps my hands quite soft, if not a bit moist). Nice to have a whole room to myself for a mid-afternoon nap. I got in a solid 20 minutes. Got up and walked around the grounds with the dogs following and enjoyed the smells of red earth, water, and the sounds of birds. Didn't even need a coat, with it being 55 degrees today- this felt soooooooo nice.
Then off to the "get-to-know-you" dinner. These situations are such a set-up. Let's keep it casual; but all of us are nervous as hell, we are supposed to act all cool and collected, and none of us know each other. But Phil (and this may be an inside joke between us) you know how I've always teased about being an awkward position specialist? I think I somehow thrive off these sorts of situations. I love being the guy to put people at ease. I love being the guy who says something ridiculous to break the tension. I love being that guy. I love it so much, that I have to be sure I don't overdo it. That much I'm sure you all already know (most of you probably knew it long before I did- for that I apologize).
Anyhow, it all went off real well. I chatted with the Program Director about spanish speaking opportunities. I chatted with another "non-trad" students about her interesting travels that have brought her back to Tennessee and living closer to her ill parents. On this note, I chatted with the Professor I have selected to be my initial advisor, Dr. Hector, who shared with me his own touching story of taking care of his 96 year-old dad for the last 3 years of his life. We shared a beautiful moment on this subject, and it so endeared me to him that I got excited about the potential of having an advisor who could just be so open and honest in a matter 0f the first 5 minutes. He's an older man- presumably in his 60's. But he's got a fire in his belly. He lights up talking about existentialism, phenomenology, and simply "shutting up and listening to the wisdom each unique human being has" (he said that). I told him he was speaking to my heart and that I would look forward to continuing our conversation during our interview tomorrow.
I get the feeling that this program is in an interesting phase of growth. There are the Dr. Hector's who have been here for 15 years and upward. And then there are the new folks who have all basically been here 3 years and who have worked hard to create something unique and new. This program has adopted the first social justice-based training model of its kind (and though some is semantics) and I think it's something that would be both exciting intellectually and beneficial professionally. I think it could be a fit. We'll see.
Wish me luck tomorrow...er, this morning. I am just so honored to be a part of all of this.
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