And they are so great, necessary to have be my foundation and sanctuary during this Graduate School Gauntlet. I am running through the third portion of said gauntlet this Friday in Knoxville, TN. I have taken the time this week to prepare. My suit is dry-cleaned. My answers are tight and brief. I printed out the UT program handbook (50 pages) and will be using it as my reading material on the flight tomorrow. I am still nervous, but feeling like I've prepared much better than I did for the previous two interviews.
Shooting hoops out in the driveway last night, I had somewhat of an epiphany. But before I share that, I've got set the stage a little and let you in on one of my totally nerdy/hilarious obsessive mental games I play. Well, I guess it's more of a superstition. But, whatever. So when I would play basketball growing up, I wouldn't allow myself to go home before I'd made whatever series of three-point shots, free-throws, jump shots I'd decided on that particular day. Sometimes it was 10 three's. Sometimes 30 free-throws. You get the picture. So, I'm shooting around yesterday and as I'm getting ready to come back in the house to check on dinner, I make sure to make my last three point shot. And it hits me (prepare for slightly hilarious/somewhat pathetic obsessiveness) that it's completely antithetical to the "game" to be worried about making sure you make every single shot. As I pulled up for the "last" three, I felt a twinge of anxiety as I watched my shot rim out. But I ran toward the rebound, picked it up, put it back up for a lay-up. Now here's the super cheesy part- I thought, "that's it". Making the shot is irrelevant. That's fear making me worry about if it's just right, perfect, will drop. The truest spirit of the game is always scrapping for the rebound and putting it right back up. We all miss shots. We just gotta be ready to scrap for the rebound.
Ikey, You captured it so well here. I didnt comment on the last blog (turning it upside down ,,, or whatever) But I got that Gloria Estefan tune down.
ReplyDeleteI have had a flood of emotions in the last week regarding you...as I believe once in my womb,, I feel tied to you emotionally still.. you will see it so differently than I.But your initial news from Uof O and arkansas.. blew me away in a gut wrenching way. Only because as you know I love and care so deeply about you and your life. I had to spend 48 hrs. processing this.. I needed to put it all in an okay place and not loose my grounding.. so I let it blast me,, went xcountry skiing and laughed really hard ,, then as I drove back and read your blog ,,of such tender times with mom and dad, and your ability to not have it be all about you... the empathy and compassion, you expressed and just the shear appreciation for the person /persons you are with.. blew me away and set me in a space where,, I could say.. there is a big picture here,, Ikey has come so far , ikey still has 2 interviews.. and bla blah blah. I read about Buddhist mind:"The original mind according to buddhism isalways shining. Afflictions such as craving, anger, doubt and fear are what block the light, so the practice is to remove the hindrances" I had fear ,, overwhelming me.. I read your thoughts (brandts rants) .. I saw how you calmed yourself, the description of the basketball shooting,, so good, your mature strategys,, so amazing. I once again am at peace, I know all will be well with you , I have faith and the light is shining.
May you feel that peace and security in the beautiful person you are Ikey. love mom
Ps. If you can listen to the podcast of Garrison Keilors writers almanac feb 6th... you would like it im sure.
I will be flying feb 12th in the am.. to amsterdam , La, and then Auckland. I am pumped for you and for my trip also. love you so much Son, mom
oh,
ReplyDeleteone more thing,,,, when is your interview in Albany/? will it be phone
or in person?. do you need any money?.. love mom
I love the basketball analogy:)
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