At 8:30 am I had to go into work for a 'clinic' on a new line of shoes. Classic small town store shit. I show up thinking I'll be the late one, walking through the door at 8:30 on the dot. Nope. I'm the first. And the salesman and my supervisor, Sean, are eating donuts and shooting the bull. It's only supposed to take 30 minutes (so said Sean)- but I can already see where this is heading.The guy was nice, but in that classic salesman sort of folksy-I-can't-take-you-seriously kinda way. After an hour, several cheesy salesman jokes, and an apple fritter- we were done. At least I got paid.
Funny part was I didn't have to work until 12. So back to Granny and Gramps' for a real breakfast. Gramps, come to find out, is heading over to his duties at Good Sam. Some weeks he's over there like 4 days out of the week, and then some it's pretty dead. So basically I forgot that he was going, which meant that Granny and I just sat and chatted over breakfast. We shared a rare lucid conversation. I expressed to her my honest feelings about seeing her the way she is. And more suprisingly, she was able to listen to me express my fears, frustrations, and sadness without turning to sobs. Which seems to be how it goes mostly these days. But, it was nice to hear her be honest about that it seems like there are more bad days than good ones. This is especially hard for her as she forever tries to put a good spin on everything. Those of you who know Granny know this well. It could be worse she says a lot. But today she was able, in some small way, to recognize that it does seem like the bad days seem to be around more than the good ones. It's just tough.
After straightening shoe boxes for another several hours (which is suprisingly very soothing), I came home to find Gramps watching the Huskies playing UCLA. His usual cute self, he had the 'hearing ears' for the TV on so that he wouldn't wake Granny. She apparently cashed in her chips early due to just being worn out from being worn out. He asked if I wanted to watch with him upstairs, or if I'd like to go downstairs for my usual evening routine. I could tell he'd like company- sane company- so I obliged. Nice to just sit and watch the game and catch up between the commercials. Just sitting there gave Grampy the space to talk more about Granny and how he sees things evolving. He, on a positive note, seems to be less weepy too. He told me that he realizes that there's nothing he can do; that he can't take away what Granny is going through. So, in his thinking, he just focuses on his philosophy of doing the right thing, being sincere, and then letting it "just be the way it is". He's such a good man. Granny really lucked out with him.
Anyway, he brought up that he can't continue to care for her in this manner and he talked about wondering about assistance with Granny.
This is where I got real interested and am writing this specifically to all members of the Braun clan. Gramps expressed that he's open to having Ruth Ann come for a while. He said specifically that he'd only want her to come for a week, as she as duties at home, etc. I asked about consulting with you Mom, Jeanne, and Dave about all of this- Gramps gave his I'm-still-thinking-about-all-this look. But I bring it up too, because he told me he's planning on not getting his usual golf pass for the summer. I don't mean to sound the alarm- but I think Gramps is obviously saying "I can't do this all"- and with me leaving in April, and working full-time, I am wondering about the longer term vision for care for Granny. I guess I'm hoping to hear your thoughts on all of this.
Love to you all-
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