Trust the Process

I am sitting back in my favorite spot- next to the tall windows and smell of coffee down at the One World Cafe in Moscow, Idaho. Having a place that is consistent in which I have spent so much time is great because I can sit here and remember having gone through this whole process during my time here in the Palouse. When I first got here in November- I pretty much camped out here for the whole first month. Upstairs was my favorite because it was tucked away from the bustle but still had light enough to be inspiring. I pretty much wrote all of my 9 different statements of purpose right here. 

Now I have two weeks of waiting left. In two weeks I will know where I am going to be spending the next five years of my life- holy poop. I mean holy poop. I've made it through visits to 5 different schools in 5 different states (4 of which I had never previously visited). I've been accepted by schools I thought I wouldn't be. I've been rejected by schools I thought were my safety schools. I've prepared myself for not getting in anywhere and having to reapply to schools again next year. I've asked myself over and over why the hell- of all of the things I could do with my life- I am choosing to do this. And my answer- though it's shape has somewhat shifted- still remains the same in essence: because I want to. 

I like seeing that answer in actual written form because it is a concrete reminder of just how blessed I feel by this whole process. I am nervous about how it will all work out. I am anxious about possibly having to make my life thousands of miles away from pretty everything and everyone I know. But I am getting to pursue my dreams and am being fully supported from both family and friends. 

When I was in Colorado this past week, I had the chance to connect with a woman I met at the interview weekend in Eugene- Jess. She and I had some great conversation about the cheesy, cliche, and annoyingly true saying: "trust the process". It's so damned true. Trust the process. I have never really lacked for energy and inspiration to explore, pursue, and seek out "the answers". My challenge throughout this whole adventure has been to pursue something simply because I must. That is pursuit of something with no reservations; not knowing how it will all work out; risking totally and completely falling on my face in the process. Ok so I'm turning into a cheesy cliche- but hang in there with me. It's just so wonderful to be experiencing that it is unbelievably rewarding to pursue your dreams; to trust the process; to begin to understand that it is the not knowing how it will all work out that makes it so wondrous. It still scares and annoys the shit out of me periodically. It's all a part of the process.

Granny continues to be my daily blessing and reminder about all of this. She continues to have her good and bad days. She gets anxious and lonely when she knows Grandpa is going to church or to Good Sam. She still watches too much tv. She still continues to struggle to find a regular and healthy eating pattern. But she still surprises me with her will to live. She and Grandpa went to some nutrition teach-in and she constantly tells me: "Ikey- you help me so much with my eating." Who knows exactly what that means. But she has not eaten pretty much any sweets of any kind in my immediate presence (and Grandpa reports the same). So again, it's trusting the process, and just sitting next to her yesterday on the couch, I just held her hand and put my head on her shoulder (and she on mine) and we just touched each other. That- I think- is another one of the true gifts of love- is that because we humans need to feel like our worlds make sense and yet we know we can't- we end up needing each others kindness and support that much more. And it's in these times, I realize how unbelievably important it's been for them to simply be there. And I think I understand the love I give Granny by just being here. I am crying a lot these days.

Speaking of love- talk about a serious mystery, wonder, and strange gift. I met this wonderful woman at work like a month a half ago at Tristate. She came in to look at boots. As soon as I saw her looking at the display I knew she was special. We talked in the aisle for an hour. Then, as we reached that point in conversation where it's kinda like "ok, we just talked for an hour in a shoe store aisle- what do we do now?"- I asked her her name. She said, "Caroline". I said, "Nice to meet you Caroline". And she walked away. 

It didn't hit me until I was putting the boots away that she'd tried on that I had just missed an opportunity. I thought to myself, "You idiot- you were supposed to give your number to that girl! And now she's gone." I actually ran out to the parking lot and did my best not to look like a total desperate creep and, of course, it was a Saturday and the lot was chalk full and I had no idea what kind of car she drove and I was sure she was already off on her way. Shit.

I called my buddy Joel on my lunch break and told him about this interaction and he just laughed and smiled (sometimes you can hear that through the phone-especially with Joel). And I told him that if she ever came back, there was no way she was getting away without me giving her my number. She came back.

Last week on a Saturday, I was walking up toward the slippers, and I saw her with a friend. We chatted in the aisle for an hour again. And this time- I gave her my number and she gave me hers. I invited her to dinner, dessert, and a nice evening walk on Sunday. She totally appreciated Granny and Grandps and we hit it off. We have pretty much had nothing but fun since. She's lovely. And as much as it sucks that I am only here for three more weeks- it has been another reminder from the great beyond that I don't have to know- just trust the process. 

Jens, I can hear your eyes rolling. Mom, I can hear you crying and see you smiling. And everyone else who knows that my love life has been a collection of short stories ranging in theme from the absurd to the poetic- I am happy to say that I am simply doing my best at appreciating the time we have. I get pissed about the timing; but again, it's...well, you know.

Well, I hope that for those of who who actually read this thing, that this hasn't been too jumbled, scattered, and straining. I also hope that you all are well and sharing time with those you love. Janeen and Dave- it was nice to see you both- and I am figuring out when to come up and visit. Jeanne, sounds like you're coming down this weekend- that'll be great to see you. And Meems- it's been so nice to share some little but meaningful conversations with you last week. Hannah- I hope that you are savoring your time in Prague and taking advantage of all that is there- my time there was a huge springboard for the growth and adventure of this last year. I hope the same for you. I am getting excited to have time with you and Leah very soon! Love to all.

Making Up for Lost Time

That title could be the title of my autobiography.

So after not writing for the last week or so- here I am going for it twice in one day.

I am sitting at the kitchen table of my sweet and generous hosts Kasey and Lindsay in their quaint apartment in Fort Collins, CO. All went smoothly with travel. In fact, there were several instances of serendipity along the way. When Joel dropped me off at the airport this morning at 4 am (what a friend, eh?) I walked in through the joke of a security check that it is at Spokane International (which is another joke) and went straight for Starbucks. Yes Starbucks. So I'm sitting sipping my coffee and I look up and see this girl who I instantly knew I knew. It was my old college friend Jen Redding's younger sister Kimberly. Too funny.

We sat down and caught each other up on our families and laughed at the funny fickle hand of fate. I asked her what flight she was on, and, of course, she was on the same flight as me. I asked her where she was sitting, figuring that we'd part ways upon boarding in that sort of "nice chatting with you" kinda way. I was 17C and she 17B. Perfect. As we sat down and really got into it, she was flying to Rome today! Amazing. We talked about dreams, tattoos, love, and religion- we got it all in. It was delightful to chat with her.

Then, when I got off the plane in Seattle and on to the flight to Denver, I sat down next to another PLU connection. We had mutual friends at PLU and we did PLU talk during the descent into Denver. Pretty funny.

The ride up here to Fort Collins was pleasantly sans people; just mountains, open sky, and intermittent naps. Took about 2 hours total elapsed time to get here. And when I finally got here I was so ready to be outside walking around, that I found a map of Fort Collins and started walking toward the New Belgium brewery (I may have mentioned this in my previous post). I think my post quality has experienced a significant dip!? I apologize to those of you willing to read these ramblings.

Anyhow, my ride is here.

Bring It On

I'm borrowing another song title for my own.

Phil- thanks for introducing me to Gomez.

I'm sitting here at a great cafe in Fort Collins, Colorado and the sun is shining. It's a funky little local place with tasteful hippie art on the walls and organic food and coffee on the menu. I knew it was the place I should hang the moment I walked by it. But actually, when I got here off of my hour long shuttle ride from the Airport, I found where the New Belgium brewing company was and made a bee line for it. When I got there, it was crawling with hipsters and so much coolness I almost vomited. Too much. So I left and came back this place. It's called MUGS.

This is the last of my grad school adventures before the big decision gets made. It's all happening and it's all happening fast. It's weird how relative time can truly be. There have been times where it's felt like things were creeping by. There have been times where I seriously have gone into work thinking it was Saturday when really it was a Friday. I guess what I mean to say is that all this running around (i.e. Arkansas, Oregon, Tennessee, New York, and Colorado) has put me into a time warp. I'm just ready for shit to settle down and mellow out. I know that I'm getting stressed out when Grandma appears to me like the Buddha. Though she's always had some Buddha like qualities (aside from her now non existent pot belly). See- even my writing is scattered.

The good news is that things at 489 Paradise Dr. just keep getting better. Granny, Gramps, and I have continued to have some great connections and conversations. Granny continues to make efforts to be open to eating more healthily and consistently so as to manage her blood sugar levels. The caveat here is that we all know that change comes slow and in small ways with her. But change is change. Gordy still gets pissed at her for not being willing to pick out concrete things for him to get at the store. But, as mentioned, she is doing better avoiding sweets, eating fruits, and we are working on the transition to whole wheat bread. She does like eating my fresh baked bread. Gramps continues to love the new Prius. Oh, he just loves the trunk. He says, "I don't have to bend over so much with the Prius; and it doesn't leak!" He's so damned cute.

I am starting to get emotional with my departure date fast approaching. I was downstairs stretching two mornings ago and watched Grandps and his cute little shuffle to the pantry and just started bawling. He is such a good dude. He is the most loving, kind man I know. And I know I'm emotional because there's like a billion things happening all at once. But knowing that I'm leaving after having been here for almost 6 months, there's a lot of emotion.

Anyhow- I'm sure it'll all settle down soon enough and I'll look back at this time and think: "that was such a great time in my life".

I've Had Enough...

...of this freedom of the road.

I know it's lame to steal song titles and use them for my posting usage. But I'm not feeling funny nor creative so there.

I am back in my familiar spot at the little countertop in the kitchen at 489 Paradise Dr. with my headphones on, Grandpa next to me in the kitchen putting away this morning's groceries (he's pumped to make reuben sandwiches from the corned beef I cooked yesterday), and Granny listening to NPR and looking through her favorite pictures of the family (which is ALL of them). 

Much has changed and continues to, and yet nothing at all. And as I get nearer and nearer to making the next big decision and prepare to leave this place, I am so appreciative of the foundation of love, support, and regularity that Grandpa and Grandpa have provided over the years. I've been trying to think of a way to show my gratitude and let them know this. I've enjoyed cooking for them and I think I'll probably cook some of their favorite food and put down in words what it is I want to say to them. I want to make sure that when I leave here, that I've said all I need to say to both of them. They have been so good to me during this tumultuous time- patient, kind, and direct when necessary (and as direct as either of them are capable of). I hope someday to be able to provide this kind of space and time to my family.

I think I have come to appreciate both Mary Nell and Gordon as people better during this time. I know them as my Grandparents. I know them as a couple who has been married twice as long as I've been alive. And I know them as individual people. And on all of those levels, I feel like I've simply had the time with them to more fully appreciate the whole of who they are. How can one fully grasp the breadth and depth of a human's life? Of a couples' marriage? Of a grandparent's legacy? 

I'm chewing on all of this and savoring the flavor while it lasts.

 

Another Beautiful Morning

Sun is shining, birds are chirping, I've got coffee and a whole day to do whatever the hell I want- nice.

Had a great morning with Granny. Woke up at the late hour of 9 (after going to bed reasonably early) to yet another snowy white and sky blue day. As I got up to make coffee, I could hear Granny getting her things together in the bedroom to come out and join me for some morning chatting. This morning we started off with clarifying my "agenda" as she refers to it. By agenda, she means my time frame  for being here in Moscow, leaving for Mexico, going to Atlanta, and then to wherever I end up for school. Those of you who know Mary Nell know her incredible ability to forget details. That is to say, it took me a lot of repeating and re-repeating myself in order for her to understand. To be fair, my schedule is quite busy and scattered.

On April 22nd I fly to Mexico; Early June I fly to Atlanta; Depending on which school I start at next fall, I will be starting in either Mid August or Late September. It's kinda crazy. In fact, I'm still sorting through how that is all gonna go. Lots of moving about, transitions, and traveling. I think I'd feel a lot more grounded were I to know where I'm going to school. I think there's a somewhat subconscious spirit calling me to get out some of my wanderlust before committing to one place for 5 years. Who knows!? 

Regardless, it was nice to help Granny understand all of the details. She really likes knowing what's going on. I guess we all do to some degree. But I'm constantly reminded how much more at ease she is when she knows where Grandpa is, what I'm doing, and what the schedule is for the day. That said, sometimes it drives me up the damned wall- but that's just part of the deal too. 

I wanted to follow up on my last posting regarding Granny's health. I know that a few weeks back I may have somewhat needlessly caused concern about the seriousness of Granny's condition. Obviously, she hasn't really ever (even in the best of times) been a pillar of emotional stability. She's just so hard to read. But, bottom line, I see no real reason for immediate concern. You all probably know this better than I, but she always has made her own decisions about how she'd like to live her life, and I think, especially in regards to nutrition, she's finally starting to connect a few of the dots. I have no illusions that she'll some how turn into a health nut and start walking around the block for exercise- but I mean to say that she has had more good days recently- which isn't nothing. Clearly she and Gramps are gonna need more support as things continue. But I think History has taught me that she's just gonna be up and down. 

Jeanne- I can't tell you how nice it was to just chat everything over with you the phone the last time. And it's comforting to know that you all are close. I also know from being with Granny how much that gives her comfort- just knowing that you all are close and can come and visit. Just being around makes her so happy. It's actually sort of profound how connected to people she truly is. She may forget logistics, but she doesn't forget people. And people really don't forget her.

Ok, I have something to divulge. Fox, if you have continued to read this random rambling I create here, I'm listening to Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours", and it's like the stupid, syrupy romantic comedies that so easily get me to laugh, cry, and ultimately love them way more than I would generally care to admit. But here I am. Fox- I love this song. There it is. I can see Jens rolling his eyes. I can see Bradley coming up with a medley of all of the other cheesy songs that I love. I can see Joel singing this song in his off-key, louder-than-one-might-expect fashion. And I can see Michael laughing and doing the fist pump. Eat your hearts out dudes.

I am so excited to see the dudes. The crazy dudes that helped turn what could have easily been an experience not unlike the many Lutheran potlucks I attended in my youth (stiff and mostly lame; save the delicious hotdish and jello mold), into something unique, memorable, and oftentimes slightly disturbing. I  am so excited that we have maintained our ties across the miles and different directions our lives have taken. I read something somewhere about how the average male friendship lasts 5 years. Well, it'll have been six years this May that we all Graduated from PLU (5 for you Foxy- you little baby you), which, to me, confirms what I've always suspected about these dudes- above average. You Sodes- pretty sure you were voted MVP for PLU Reign and were the first in Grad School (who would've guessed that?). Soup you defy averages. Olsgaard- that is Dr. Olsgaard- you know where you stand. Fox- well, you get paid to do shit that you would do for free- enough said. I have the best damned friends in the world.

Two more days til Spokane. 

Wake up Slow

I finally slept in.

Didn't wake up until 9:30 and, as Granny said when I got up the stairs, "wasn't bed so cozy this morning?". She's right about a lot of things. She was already up and at 'em- washing the dishes from the night before in one of her many cute little pink and purple pajama-like outfits. 

One of my morning routines is to walk out to the compost pile to throw out my coffee grounds. And it's snowed here the last few days, so I just have found a little nook around the corner of the house where I can just throw them into the snow. Granny, who notices everything, saw that I didn't walk all the way out to the mulch, and she asked: "Ikey, where did you put the coffee grounds?" Sometimes the pitch of her voice right upon waking up is a bit much, but I know she's just being herself. I told her what I'd done and where I'd put it. 

Grandps wanted to know if I'd seen the end of the St. Marys vs. U Portland Men's basketball game. He, of course, noticed that they hadn't printed the box score in the Lewiston Morning Tribune. He too notices every little thing. While he was out in the garage, he noticed that I hadn't yet filled the truck up with gas and warned me about it running out of it; reminding me of the relationship between gas and mileage. This is sort of like when he explains a simple joke.

All of this happened before my first cup of coffee.

Now with my favorite morning fried (coffee) and some good music in my ears (Sigur Ros)- I'm enjoying not having to be in to work until noon. There is about 4 inches of snow outside (and more coming down), and I'm excited about going for a run in it. 

Granny seems to have had had more good days than bad of late. She even went to church with Grandpa yesterday. Grandpa did mention that she (as expected) was "washed out" when they got home. But she went and enjoyed seeing all of her friends. She's been crediting me with being her nutritionist (basically the only one who consistently tells her when she's eating terrible things) and that, when she eats well, she feels better. So the process continues. It's just nice to see her having some good days.

On the Grad School search- I can't remember if I told all of you about that I got a call from Colorado State and am on the top of their alternate list. So who knows? Maybe one more option. I still need to actually chat with their people. Who knows? I am excited that I will know where I'm going in less than a month!!!!! Wow.

And I'm really getting excited about Mexico. I've been craving adventure. I'm excited to have a week and a half to chill out on some beaches with the sun and surf. And I'm stoked to be finally taking the steps to learn Spanish. A lot to look forward to. This all helps keep the anxiety about where I'll be for the next five years mostly at bay. 

But ultimately- it's all an adventure. And wherever I go will be an amazing opportunity. It's all starting to sink in.

One more month.

The Gift

You ever get overwhelmed by how mind-blowingly miraculous it is to simply be alive?

Ok- yes- it's going to be one of those posts. So if you can't handle my Hallmark card sentimentalism, believe me, I understand. 

I woke up this morning feeling like I totally slept in, and to my surprise, I woke up at my usual 7:45 am. I'm sure for some of you that would be more than sleeping in. But considering that I couldn't fall asleep last night, and I stayed up to watch both the Daily Show and the Colbert Report, I was pumped. Especially because I felt like I had slept in; but clearly I didn't. It's almost always the exact opposite for me. That is , sleep for 8 1/2 hours and feel like I did for about 4. It was like getting a little gift...I warned you it would be this kind of post.

So, I get up this morning, walk over to the window and open the shades. There was a solid 4 inch blanket of pure white snow covering everything! Beautiful. Grandps was, of course, already up and at em- making breakfast for Granny, excitedly talking about getting to use the snow blower ("there's 4 and a half inches Mary Nell"), and, upon seeing me, telling me that the guard from Louisiana Tech (we went to a Vandal basketball game last night) that shot so well last night hit 6 of 8 from three. The usual morning interactions. 

Inspired by the beauty outside (and feeling somewhat wound up after having not exercised for 5 days during my trip to New York)- I threw on my running gear and hit the road. Ideally, I like to do a few warm up stretches, followed by a short preparatory walk before running. There's something more natural and peaceful about easing into a run that way for me. I didn't really stretch, but I did walk. And as I started to walk, I had one of those moments. One of those moments in which you realize how small you are, how lucky you are to be alive, and how wondrously beautiful this planet truly is. Typically, when I'm in this kind of mental space, I run strong. I did. 

My usual loop is to head out toward the U of I golf course, down and around Perimeter Dr., take a right at the base of the hill, cut through campus and then cut back up through campus in front of the SUB (for those of you who have some sense of Moscow). It's a little longer than 3 miles. It's such a great distance. Long enough to get some solid fresh air in the lungs. Short enough that on the days when I really need let it loose, I can and not feel completely exhausted at the end. I start on a short gradual uphill followed by a longish gradual downhill followed by a flat mile, and ending with a relatively steep uphill (I like to walk up Paradise Dr. and use that as my gradual cool down). It's a great little ritual. Sometimes I get intense and want to start upping my miles. Sometimes I think I should mix in some more swimming. And most recently, I am getting excited about spring and at least a couple of weeks commuting on my bike. I miss my bike. 

Speaking of little rituals- I'm back at my favorite local haunt- the One World Cafe- soaking up the shining sun and glittering snow before heading into the fluorescent lights of Tristate. I love you all. 

The Wise Man Closes No Doors

When I started this blog, I told myself that I wouldn't write if I didn't want to. This would be a place that, when I REALLY want to write, I will truly write. But, one of the big realizations (I'm sure you all had this one long ago) I had today was that...I'm full of shit- a lot. That is I can really be idealistic, impulsive, in short, I can make up my mind about things really fast and say things really fast that I don't really mean. 

This is all to say that I'm glad I made the effort to come all the way out here. When I found out I had an interview here, I thought- no way am I flying out there. I mean, I have been wanting to start saving money for a trip to Mexico. And I had already spent so much damned money on this application process- I didn't want to commit more. Although, now, looking back, I think it was the part of me that makes its mind up fast so as to have things be simple, black and white, and done with. This is the side that I think has tended to screw me over- the proverbial devil on the shoulder. 

I digress. What I'm getting at is that simply opening myself to the possibilites that this place has to offer has opened my mind enough to see how close minded I can be. I hated the weather as soon as I got here. I didn't really like my host. I told nearly everyone that I chatted with before coming here that this place would have to hit a clear home run for me to want to come here. Well, I think they actually hit an inside the park home run. I hadn't even thought about that possibility.

The opportunities here are this: work with an amazingly passionate and genuine man from South Africa on racism/multicultural competency research, travel to Spain for a year, maybe even get to Trinidad, and be a part of a program that encourages broad thinking, varied interests, and apparently bends over backward to make students feel comfortable here. The program director is a brown-haired bundle of Jewish New Yorker energy. She's a dynamo. She's great. And the professors are solid across the board. Unlike UT, this program has been very stable over the last 10 years. And Unlike the UT program- the students here really do seem to not only enjoy each other's company, but make real efforts to build community (once  a month potlucks, etc.). Good stuff.

So we'll see. Who knows? Maybe they don't think I'm a fit. And if so, I've got UT in the bank (not to mention more and more people telling me stories about getting in from off the alternate list- go Ducks). I would be glad to make it happen there. I would be very glad to come here. And I would be stoked (actual clinical term used in Eugene) to go to U of O. So who knows? I'm just a feeling very glad that I was unstubborn enough to open myself to being curious about this place. The wise man...

Sun Sans Snow

That title is not good.

Nor was that sentence.

I am in small cafe with large windows in Albany, NY. It's freezing ass cold but sunny. It's really quite beautiful. Though my perception of beauty may be slightly slanted due to my sleep deprived state.  I started this trip at 5:30pm from Spokane and got in to Albany this morning at 9:30am. 

So yesterday as I was checking in at the Spokane airport and noticed (yes, I'd had my flight booked for three weeks) that I had a 4 hour layover in Seattle. Classic. Looking at my ticket, I didn't know what was worse- that I was gonna have to find something to do with myself for 4 hours in the Sea-Tac airport, or that-had I planned-I could have done something with one of my Seattle buddies during that four hour period. On the off chance that Mr. Michael Fox was around- I quick called. He didn't pick up and I left a message. 

When we got into Seattle I called Michael and he picked up. I asked if he'd gotten my message. He said he hadn't. I said "what!?". He said, "Really? You're in Seattle right now!?" I said, "Yeah". And then we made it happen.

Michael was on his way to Ballard with a couple of old PLU friends for the evening. Not wanting to totally usurp their evening, I said that I realized this was all last second, and that if they already had plans, then we should forget it. But everyone was into it. We decided to meet downtown. I ran out the SeaTac baggage claim doors and literally ran onto the 194 as it was pulling out. Twenty minutes later, I was downtown Seattle drinking Manny's with Michael Fox, Peter Olson, Melissa Rasmussen, and Becca Kuenzel (spelling?).  Amazing thing this communication technology we have. 

We met up at the New Orleans Cafe and had the place to ourselves. This was good and bad news. Good news was that we didn't have to fight over the top of music or other folks conversations to hear each other. Bad news was that I was there. Three words: no volume control. Gimme four months of social deprivation, two beers, and a captive audience- I talked long and loud. Now, I know you all are rolling your eyes and thinking something like "what's new?" Well, this was different. This was like a whole 'nother level. I was preaching. I was the Lance Armstrong of story telling: no one could catch me and nothing could tire me out. I think I may have set a new land speed record for most stories told in a two hour period of time. Good news was that most people seemed to enjoy themselves. 

Ok- I didn' talk the whole time. I got to hear about Peter- my old roommate- and his wedding back in August. He looks healthy and happy as ever. It was nice to see him and know that he is well. He's such good dude. 

And man was that such a great moment of serendipity. That is that I actually DID catch that I had a four hour layover. That Michael was free (and actually picked up his phone- had to get you on that Fox) and available. That I caught the first bus downtown. That everything just came together. Synchronicity. And friends who make it happen. Thanks Michael.

So I hopped a plane from Seattle to Chicago at 11:12 pm. We got in at 4:30 am. I left for Albany at 6:20 am. We touched down at 9:00 am. I actually did sleep almost the entire way from Chicago to Albany which was nice. I couldn't tell you the last time I actually fell asleep on an airplane. It's nice.

And here I sit, listening to John Prine, and needing to refill both my water glass and coffee cup. I am tired as hell and to be honest, my attitude about being here smells about like what I imagine my breath does. But, after last night, I am forced to remember that if you're willing to be open-anything can happen at anytime. 

Tonight is the student potluck/meet n greet. I have enjoyed pretty much all of these so far. And the nice part about this particular visit is that the stress of feeling the need to "get in" isn't there. I feel more at ease. I feel better able to really just be myself. I just want to make sure that I don't get grumpy or self-righteous; two things that aren't terrible hard for me to do even when I'm not sleep deprived (though, I think that's probably because I am mostly sleep deprived).  At the end of the day, I'm blessed to have this opportunity not to mention the chance to see another part of this beautiful and crazy country of ours. Stay tuned for more Albany updates: interview day is tomorrow.

Michael, being the good friend he is, drove me to the airport when it was time.