Winter here in Knoxville has been much colder and longer than what people here are used to and everyone here is ready for Winter. Everyone except perhaps Mother Nature herself. I've been telling everyone else (perhaps to disguise my own inner desire for warmth) that all this Winter simply means that the coming of Spring will be that much more powerful. That's sort of like telling someone with a cold to think about how great it'll feel when they don't have a cold.
Ok, this is where the sleep dep starts to make its influence clear (but hey, sort of funny image at least). Regardless, the sun feels really good right now, despite my soporific state.
Just had one of those nights of fitful sleep- think I's just a little nervous about a few little details I meant to take care of yesterday and put off until this morning. Seriously, procrastination kills me sometimes. It's so funny how those little things I know I should just do in the moment (and that will continue to shoot spit wads over the wall of my subconscious- like some invisible bully in my mind just trying to annoy me- and it's never enough to really get me to do anything about it) I put off. The real irony is that my New Year's mantra is preparation, patience, and pace. I am doing better with patience, Ok with pace, and preparation just laughs and laughs at me (from behind the same wall as procrastination- procrastination loves to get preparation going).
I smile just thinking about how I try to write in this thing to try to capture little stories worth sharing, insights gained, and new epiphanies experience...and how, a lot of the biggest lessons I have learned and am learning, are the same basic ones over and over again. I'm sure this has a lot to do with my being such a weird blend of perfectionist and shitball procrastinator- but probably even more so to do with that I'm a beginning therapist in training. When I'm working with clients, I can't help but look at my own shortcomings and areas for growth. But again I'm so struck by how a few very simple lessons (i.e. think before you speak, do what you know needs to be done, write it down, slow down, and let go). I'm learning that that last one in the list (despite it being tatooed on my body) is one of the hardest. You hear people say it all the time- just let go. Let go. Ok well.....just let....but.....I know, it's just that....Ok.....ahhhhhhhhhhh.
I think I may have just described both the inner experience of "letting go" and also "letting one go". Speaking of which......
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