Just Do It

Phil, Alison, Gabriela, and I just got back from an overnight adventure to Oconee Lake (Reservoir). Ali booked a night at "The Lodge"- a nice hotel right on the banks of Lake Oconee as a father's day get away. It was just that.

I admit that I was a bit nervous about sharing a room with Gabriela for an entire night. When Ali invited me I thought about how many of the nights that I've been here, and how many of them the little one has woken up (sometimes for hours on end). I wanted to be respectful and be appreciative of the gesture to include me in the fun and time to celebrate father's day- but honestly- I have been in somewhat of a weird transitional space- and I thought seriously about just giving the three of them full freedom and time together as my gift both to myself and to them. But something deep inside me spoke up and said- "dude, you should just go and be with people you love." Sometimes when I feel like withdrawing and being alone, I actually really need to be with people. This was one of those times.

We got to the place yesterday in the early evening. After some classic misdirection with directions, we made it successfully to the "Lodge". All of us were quite tired, hungry, and ready to be out of the car. It being Phil's day, it was his choice for dinner. We asked the same woman at the front desk who had given us the directions that helped us correct my misdirection, and Phil decided on a surf and turf kinda place just next door to the hotel. It was great. 

Gabriela loved the live band that was setting up while we were ordering. Phil got a steak. Ali got grouper. And I, believe it or not, went for the grilled salmon caesar. Gabriela had cheese, bits of steamed veggies, and other random chunks of food from mom's plate. We shared food, conversation, and especially enjoyed watching Gabriela crawl all over the top of the table as well as single-handedly capture the attention of everyone on our side of the restaurant. I asked Phil about what stands out in his memory of being a first year dad. I loved what he said ( sorry if I misquote you here Phil).  

He said that those first weeks were amazing; getting to hold little Gabriela in his arms; listening to her sleep; and, of course, watching her grow. The other first firsts: seeing her recognize him, watching her laugh for the first time, clapping to her first steps. All the classics. But I especially loved what Phil had to say about just not worrying about the same things. That is to say reprioritizing. It's not so important that everything happens on time. It's not so important that things are always clean. Even little miscommunication and misunderstandings whether at work or other relationships- just don't cause the same kind of worry now. Now it's whether Gabriela is healthy, safe, and happy. I know I may be romanticizing things- but I love how Phil has embraced being a dad.

I want to thank Ali for including me on this little weekend tribute to Phil. I also admire her commitment to being such an ever present parent and considerate spouse (all while being a full-time grad student). Seriously, how do you do it Ali? Anyhow- I continue to be honored to be here and am grateful to be reminded that sometimes you gotta just do it. Just do it.