Tennessee and Technology

You know when you are just in one of those moods to write, and then you sit down to write that heartfelt letter or poem, and you can't find a damned pen anywhere? And then you start frantically looking for one stupid, lousy, functional pen; you search for five minutes and to no avail. Now the moment's passed and you don't feel the magic. Well, I try to sit down tonight to capitalize on just that sort of moment, only to find that, in my infinite wisdom, I have forgotten my password to my blog account. Luckily I have enough technical smarts to overcome such a small hurdle- and here I am. But I can't help feeling a bit like when you're the person in the car on a group road trip who says they have to pee NOW, and so you make the driver put the pedal to the metal, you get to the rest stop, and as you pull in, you don't have go so bad anymore. Somewhere in the magical mysterious mess of neuronal impulses, thoughts, and insticts, the urge is gone.

What I like about writing is that I can actually see how my mind works. When you talk to people the thoughts just come out and disappear. Can you tell I'm posting this at 23:35pm? 

So I feeling excited and just a bit overwhelmed. I got my third interview invitation today to U Tennessee Knoxville! That's three invites in a week. I feel like the luckiest little poop. It would appear as though I'll actually have a choice between a few different programs, and all of them good ones. And I'm reminded of one of my favorite Jon Steinbeck quotes: "Change is always hard- especially when it's for the better." Just reflecting on where I was last year at this time makes me want to cry. I was studying during my off time to try to ace the GRE and feeling a bit like the overweight dad trying to train for a marathon as his new year's resolution. I felt so nervous, anxious, scared shitless that I would put all this energy into studying for this "hoop" of a test and then get crushed by some mediocre score. I guess I have always been more afraid of success than failure, because when I got my test scores in February last year I was more surprised than anything. Even as a kid I remember with sports not actually trying my hardest, not ever giving my all, saving just that little bit so I could always hedge my bets and not risk real failure. I guess what all this muttering is getting at is that I am starting to see how much true success goes hand in hand with risking real failure. The cheesy old adage- nothing risked, nothing gained is an old adage for a reason. Anyhow- I think listening to Patty Griffin and writing this at midnight is turning my blog into an Oprah Book Club journal entry. Sorry.

I hope all of you are taking real, healthy risks- whatever they may be.

I'm going to brush my teeth and fall asleep thinking about all the great friends I've been blessed with.